MONDAY, JANUARY 3, 2011
I know it is only January but, I am encouraged by the new year…I have no real reason that I can claim why the feeling of hope but I just have that presence of mind that this will be a good year. Maybe because it is the beginning or because I am always excited about all things new. So much so I like to keep things new. I almost think that had I been born in the generation before me I would have been that one who kept the plastic on the lamp shade and the furniture. There is something about it all still being new, not all covered in cat hair or dust(mites), glad I can’t see those, creeps me out just knowing they are there. I am not the person who should watch the Discovery programs on all the creepy stuff that happens during the night while we gently sleep. The layers of skin and mites and spiders that crawl in our mouth…..shhhhhhh! I need to stop talking about it even now! I am the one who hates to write the first page of a new notebook or paint on the clean white canvas or wear a new white shirt because I know the minute I put it on it will get a smudge, I will flick mascara on it, which only mushes and will not come out no matter how much I try, then I have to find another one to wear..it is an endless cycle! So when “things” are new it causes my OCD (never officially been diagnosed, but I am sure I have it) to kick into high gear and then my procrastination sets in and I am back at square one again. But today with the start of a new year I feel strong and hopeful and encouraged, but I don’t know why, just a feeling. I haven’t made any public resolutions, I do have some between me and God, can’t say them out loud..the Devil will hear them! I know that God will keep them on the down-low though, He is cool like that and I know He will carry me through these days when I am not so sure… I can do all things through Him who strengthens me! I am a “glass half full” girl and I need to remind myself that every day. I always have a 50/50 chance of being right. I am blessed, I have a husband that has ALWAYS loved me, I have never wondered about that, and he is the funniest person I have ever known and even if we were not together anymore, I would have to be his best friend because I would miss him so much, he is that cool, he is my best friend and we have been in the foxholes together and survived it and I attribute all of my sanity and ability to maintain this 28 year relationship all to him…as he has followed the Lord. We have not always been perfect as parents or people, believe me I can be a pill! He has given me the grace to be the real me and put up with all my psychosis and yet hung in there loving me all the same. We are entering into the good years I believe and I can only hope a beach house is involved…it could happen!. I am also blessed because I have a big ole batch of kids who someday when they all find their paths the Lord has designed for them, they will come home and visit and love on us and be the people who I know they can be…I have seen the future and it is bright for them, all of them, they are my best friends, each unique and all of them as funny and quick-witted as their daddy, they are well read and smart and sharp-tongued like me, sorry world! Look out though, they are a force to be reckoned with and I am more proud of them than any parent should be. I am also blessed because I am a sister with sisters who keep me in line and who were the first ones to encourage and look after me, girls are tough, lets just be honest, but they taught me how to be a girl who is a friend and because of that I have a few great friends who love me unconditionally, fat or skinny, mad or sad, doing right or bad attitude, they are there for me, you girls rock and I am thrilled you have chosen me. So of course I am hopeful about the new year, what have I got to lose, I am not any richer or skinnier or younger but I am loved…that’s all I need!…except this lamp and this phonebook…that’s all I need!